The muse, the critic and the logical mind

Last week I decided to do some process painting, although I wasn’t particularly looking forward to what the painting might bring out. I didn’t know where to start but I could my teacher saying “Trust the brush.” So I picked a color (black) and made a squiggly line. And another one. I still didn’t know what I was painting but my muse, that creative, intuitive, nonverbal part of me, was enjoying the swirling lines.

After a while, my logical mind got bored and started to chatter. “Do I need to buy more blue paint?” “What can I make for dinner that will use up those green beans?” When I let my logical mind think about the actual painting, the inner critic immediately woke up: “That’s ugly. It’s trite. It’s boring. It doesn’t mean anything.” I had to use my firmest teacher voice to tell myself, “That doesn’t matter. This is about the process. Shut up and keep painting.” And so it went. The heart and hand painting instinctually. The logical mind chattering and criticizing, occasionally interrupted by muse asking me to get her some more paint.

In the end, my critic was  still grouchy, my logical self had an updated to-list and my muse was secretly smiling. Painting the picture wasn’t “fun” but it did make me feel better. A week later, my critic and I have finally reached a compromise. I would like to have an attitude of simple acceptance toward the painting. However, my critic still has strong opinions, mostly negative. So, for now, she has agreed not to hate the painting and I have conceded that she doesn’t have to like it. And my muse, who lives in the moment, is trying to tempt me back in the studio so she can paint, play and discover again.

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